I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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