I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
