i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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