I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
So squirting runs in the family.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize