They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
