I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
