i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
