You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
worst night to have a conscience
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
