It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
