I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
