The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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