Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
