I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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