is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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