so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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