is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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