Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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