i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
