we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
