No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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