Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize