every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
