question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
