You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
