I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
