We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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