Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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