ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
