I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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