Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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