u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize