I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
