Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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