Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
