I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
