theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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