My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
