U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
what day is it and did you see me today?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
