well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
