I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
