I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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