my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
