I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
