that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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