I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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