we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
