Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
