end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
