you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
