Dude my mom stole all your condoms
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
