I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize