He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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