True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
