listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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