You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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