people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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