what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
