I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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