hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
