somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
