Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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