There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
