i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
