If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
