im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
