I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
3 2 1 whiskey
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
