this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
