i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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